Mr Tom James

Why is dating so difficult? I'll be honest I'm at a stage in my life where I've never felt so lonely before. Dating has been off the cards for a long time, we're talking years not months.  First of all comes your dating problem and if you've read my blog before you'll know talking about myself is my forte. The easiest part of a dating profile is your photos yet for me it's the hardest I can't bring myself to even upload a pic of myself instead I rely on these silly AI character selfies of me.  When I do get a match I'm always honest and I'll send them an actual selfie of me and then I await for them for open it and block me (it's happens quite often). I've chatted to quite a few girls and it tends to go really well but as soon as I feel it might go to the next step of going on a rate I run for the hills. I always think when they see me in real life they'll just wanna puke and I don't want to waste their time. So what do I do I alw...

So it's been a couple of years since I last blogged and life has changed so much. My health has detoriated to the point where I finally admitted it was time to get help.  The thought of moving out into my own place filled me excitement but what I wasn't expecting was the feeling of loneliness which soon kicked in. When you're young you imagine how your life will be, if you told me at 16 in the future I'd be disabled with lymphodema, arthritis, fibromyalgia and severely obese I'd say you're thinking of the wrong person.  I'm fortunate in that living independently I can manage well financially which is a massive relief and many people aren't as fortunate. At times I feel silly when I'm depressed as I think there's people out there going through much worse and my problems are insignificant compared to theirs. 

Being overweight I often experience chafing  in between my thighs. Anyone who has experienced chafing  knows only too well the discomfort and pain is causes not the mention it can give off a horrible smell. In the past I’ve tried a few things mainly chafing  talc but this only soothes the chafing . My mom bought me something to treat it but I wasn’t very optimistic as nothing has really worked before. I was presented with a tiny mental tin named Chub Rub. Initially I wasn’t impressed and assumed it was some kind of joke at my expense. She reassured me but for a tiny tin costing £8 I couldn’t see it lasting very long.  How wrong could I have been? I only use a tiny bit on the tip of my finger and its more than enough on my chafing. To my surprise it actually works and its the best thing I’ve used for chafing . Since using it I’m chafing very little and unlike the talcs it’s helped prevent chafing . 

Recently I lost my Uncle John in a car accident. Dealing with death is incredibly difficult even more so when it comes suddenly and unexpectedly. I’ve never lost anyone like this before, in the past I’ve lost loved ones but they have been ill so their passing was expected which made it a little bit easier plus they had a long life whereas my Uncle was only in his thirties.  I’ve struggled so much since he passed away and I’ve felt guilty because what I struggled with the most was witnessing the pain it’s putting my grandparents through. It wasn’t until the funeral that I felt ready to grieve. Writing this short post has helped me I don’t want to mention him around anyone as I don’t want to upset them. Anyway, I don’t want anymore negative talk I want to remember Uncle John and the good times we had so here we go… This time 20 years ago we were on holiday together, I was only seven and you were a teen. Far from ideal for you yet always made time for me and spent a lot of the holiday...

What do you want to be when you grow up? Ask me that at 6 years old and I'd answer in a heartbeat. Fast forward and I never would have imagined for one second that at 25 I'd still have no idea of what I really want to do in life. Life doesn't always go to plan, at 25 I thought I'd be living in my own home, have a career and even children. Reality check and I have none of those. I'm happy with the direction my life is going though, I guess life is a bit of a race. All you need to do is go on social media and instantly you'll see everyone competing with one another. Everyone is going at difference paces If I've learnt anything this year, it's that's it's okay to be 25 and still not have achieved everything you. This is my life, my journey...

I've always found it difficult to open up and tell people my thoughts and whenever I have found the courage to do so it hasn't actually helped my mental health, it's made it worse. The reason being very few people understand and 90% of the time they all respond with the class one liner "You've got so much to be live for". It has to be one of the most frustrating lines any of us with mental health have had to hear time and time again. I truly believe you cannot understand how someone with mental health issues is feeling unless you've got similar experience yourself. Once I went to see a counseller, I was 14 and sitting across me was an elderly gentleman who I just couldn't relate to all. It was like being in the room with your grandad and told to just blurt out all your deep thoughts. I don't want the support from 'professionals' who have read textbook after textbook on mental health. I benefit most from people who have been in simil...