This morning was judgement day at the doctors. It didn't help that the only appointment I could get was with a doctor I didn't feel comfortable with. I waited anxiously for my name to be called wondering how I was going to put into words how I am feeling. There's no option though, ideally I would never have gone but I need evidence from the doctor to prove to my university I am unwell.
I blurted out all my feelings and emotions which were met with very little response, I wanted help, anti-depressants or some sort of reassurance that things will get better. But what did I get? Well I left the consultant room clutching a piece of paper with some breathing exercises and a link to a website to read more about depression and anxiety. I have these for years, I know what they are, I live with them every hour of every day. I felt humiliated, I felt ignored.
This was a big deal to me to actually speak to someone in person and ask for help, I know if my regular doctor was there then it would have been a different outcome, she's incredible. This doctor rushed me out as fast as he could, clearly this man couldn't relate to me, I told him my family and friends don't and now he don't. I haven't even looked at the breathing exercises and never will, when someone tells you they are depressed for FUCK SAKE please I beg do not tell them to FUCKING BREATHE and their feelings will go away.
Hi again Tom!!! I didnt a great psychology program called "Do as I do" which helped me get in touch with my own anxiety so I could understand my childs anxiety. At first I thought pffftttt.....yep...whatever....this is not going to help.
Surprisingly it did. I was overmedicated for 7 years. Put on weight - completely lost myself drowing in prozac and pristiq. Also heavily addicted to them as well. For me it was a 7 year Journey to get to where I am now which certainly ISNT perfection.
I think you obviously are very in touch with your own feelings and your desire to write about them and share shows you have the ability to possess some power over this! I just want you to know you are brilliant and sharing these stories and feelings is SO important. You are valued from another person who struggles with anxiety and the black fog.
I know how you feel Tom. I've been there. You know what fixed me up? Not some pill that would turn me into a zombie. What fixed me up big time is reading books and listening to influential leaders. When you're in a situation like this, the best solution is be around people who speak life into you. I just started reading books daily and slowly, my thinking patterns started changing. I started seeing, feeling and understanding life in a different...better way. You've got this man. I know you do.
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