An Update On My New Years Resolutions...

On New Years Eve I published my five new years resolutions. So let's look back at them and see what's happened since...

1. Take steps to control my anxiety (easier said than done). This is probably my most difficult resolution and will take time finding the right approaches which work for me.

One of the worse things about my anxiety is the sweating which comes with it. I've noticed the more relaxed I am, the less I sweat. I've been trying to not be so tense and it's going kinda well apart from the snappy comments I make towards people. I've seen a big decrease in my sweating so I'm doing something right, for once. There is still a long way to go and I can't wait until my regular GP comes back in April from maternity leave so I can get some real help and confide in someone I trust.

2. Lose weight again *sigh*. This involves giving up chocolate, crisps, sugary drinks, fast food and reducing my sugar intake.

This is almost laughable. I haven't made any attempt what so ever to tackle my weight. Same old same old, I tell myself "it's going to start Monday", "I'm going to join fat club again". It's annoying because I know I can do it because I did it last year but slipped into old habits and soon found myself back at square one. Yesterday I found my old jeans, at my heaviest I was 17stone 8lbs and I found some jeans which I used to wear a lot and when I lost weight they become quite baggy but yesterday I struggled to pull them up my leg let alone belly. After some moans and groans and lots of breathing in I only managed to do two buttons up. I will get there though, I say it a lot but I will. 

3. Go out more to more meaningful places and create memories as I'm writing this life is pretty repetitive I spend my days and weeks going to the same places endlessly

Well there is a theme emerging here. You can probably guess what I'm going to say next. Nothings changed on this one. I'm still going to the same old places day in day out. But I think the main reason I'm struggling with this resolution is because of finances. I have to pay out money for a few essentials who knew how expensive mattresses were? I make a lot of my money from buying and selling stuff. So recently I spent a lot of money and haven't had the opportunity to make much back yet. I want to go places though hopefully, this weekend I can go Safari Park. This problem is I get up early but my other half is a lazy bum and she's the once with a car and because of my anxiety I like to be out and about as early as possible. One of  my favourite places has to be Stratford Upon-Avon, I adore the scenery and it's pretty close to wear I live so fingers crossed I will get my day out there. 

4. Try and have a positive outlook as much as possible and not take things to heart so easily (again easier said than done).

To start off this wasn't going so well, I was quite sensitive and cared a lot about what other people think. Yet I like to tell myself I'm one of those people who "don't give a fuck about what people think". I tend to think like that for a good solid powerful 10 seconds then reality kicks in and I spends hours caring about what others think. As I said yesterday was my 22nd birthday and some people who I thought were my friends didn't even wish me a happy birthday. I wasn't even worthy of 10 seconds of their time. Well guess what, actually you're not worth of my time or energy. 

5. Spend my time wisely, get out of bed and be grateful I've been given another day of life

I'm actually laughing reading this because guess what? I'm in bed right now as I type this with no motivation to get up. But hey, it is freezing so I kinda have an excuse. Right? I'm not ashamed to admit I've failed in my New Years Resolutions because I know there is thousands of people up and down the country in the same boat as me. This boat is letting in water but it refuses to sink, let's pull it back and sail away into the sunset victorious in the coming months.