It is with a heavy heart (heavy everything really) that this week marked my return to fat club. Last August I took the plunge and joined weighing in at 17st 8lbs but within around six weeks all that changed and I slimmed down to 15st 13lbs losing over 1st 8lbs. I was euphoric so much so I decided to quit fat club and go it alone, the sessions were becoming laborious listening to the same stories week in week out.
I didn't follow the plan back then instead I just lived off 'free food'. All my meals were bland with no taste I was eating endless bowls of rice and beans and pasta and tuna with the odd week of jacket potatoes. It only felt like yesterday I was there experiencing that but when I returned last week I was shocked to realise I hadn't been for 8 months. I knew I had put on all that weight I lost and was prepared to weight one or two more pounds. I hopped onto the scales and awaited the news...19 stones yet that's right I weigh a whopping 19 stones. I grabbed my stuff and ran out and almost burst into tears through shame, I am so ashamed of me weight.
Right there and then was only one thing I wanted and no it was a burger aha. You know in Harry Potter where he has that invisibility cloak well that's exactly what I wanted I just wanted my body to appear invisible to everyone else. I affected my anxiety cause know I know my weight I feel as though everyone will be pointing and laughing. To top it off I also have asthma and lots of people have commented on how bad my breathing is. Just think of how I would look now if I had stuck to for those 8 months I gave up.
I made the decision not to go back to those bland meals and decided if I was going to lose weight again then I needed to eat foods which I enjoy. Let's face it I'm not going to live off rice and beans for the rest of my life. In my first week I simply cut out all the chocolate and crisps and most importantly ice cream. I've also began using my syns but I don't check the food before I eat cause if I know how many syns are in it then I wont eat it. So instead I enjoy myself then check and if they're a lot of syns I know to have no more again. In my first week I ate curries, pasta bakes, jacket potatoes, tortilla wraps and even squeezed in a Nandos. I went to my first weigh in expecting to lose only a pound or two.
Much to my surprise I lost 5 and half lbs. I had no reaction knowing I've got a long way to go but it was so relieving to know I can still enjoy meals and lose the same amount of weight as I was before on those bland vile meals. As it stands or shall I say as I stand I weight in at 18st 8 and half lbs. There's still a long long way to go but I'm hoping to lose those 8 1/2 pounds over the next two weeks. This week I'm following the plan and going utilising my slimming resources and guidance much more.
My dream is lose a good few stone so when I look back at my graduation photo which everyone will more than likely want a copy off I wont look like a beached whale!
